When he passes me by he's a ray of light like the first drop of sun from the sky and i know he's a king who deserves a queen but im not a queen and he doesnt see me
everything you can change if you just choose to fight but the walls of injustice are high
i seldom cry in front of people but i did twice yesterday. once at a station, once at a club.
last night my friends from high school and i were holding a party in kichijoji , which i was really looking forward to. on the way to kichijoji, i suddenly felt exausted from the 5-hour job.
why cant i treat someone who cares about me and why cant anyone i love loves me back?
isolation.
i just couldnt help but cry. i sat on a bench at kichijoji station for a while. as i started feeling a lil bit better i headed for the club. some of my friends were already there in party mood, i drunk danced forgot everything.
but when my friend asked me how i had been doing, isolation and confusion rushed over and that made me cry. Lifes harsh! especially since last year. i used to be a happy girl but look at me now...what a mess. when i look at myself in the mirror, i feel like i dont know Her.
the rest of the party was good though. i had a lot of fun till morning.
its been very busy. i went to school this morning and worked at Nakamuraya for 7 hrs. all i ate today was a piece of bread and a cup of soup. im not quite on diet but i just didnt have time for lunch and dinner.
i talked with my exboyfriend on the phone about things we should have discussed while we were together. now i know how much i hurt him and felt real guilty. to protect myself, i never opened up my mind, never said what i really thought, nor relied on him. i tried to hide myself who would slice skin with a blade and have eating disorders. i believe we could not last forever even if i was not that insecure, but i didnt have to hurt him. anyway too late now.
i went to shinjyuku again. maybe i should get a comutty pass since i go there more than 4days a week. Nob and i were to meet at one, but he overslept and kept me waiting for an hour. it was ok i windowshopped in studio Alta. we had curry for lunch at nakamuraya.
he made me feel i never wanted to go home. i remembered how happy i could be which i had forgotten for two yrs...
im gonna work at TEA SALON in nakauraya on this weekend! i took a job interview and a fat nice interviewer decided to hire me♪ i also talked to a cook but we didnt have anything to talk so he was like "any question? no? well,,,im getting married and going to New Caledonia! cool eh?!" he was a funny guy.
im not waiting for the answer from the company where i was going to work. Not anymore!
im having a job interview at yummy curry restaurant, Nakamuraya on this thirsday. i wanna work in the kitchen and learn how to cook. i searched almost every major classified ad on internet for hours. i hope i wont have to do that again!
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